TO MY FATHER ( FOR 6TH FEBRUARY )

"... - Drogul e periculos, dar conferă într-adevăr putere. Sub efectul Drogului, Dreptvorbitoarea poate să viziteze multe locuri din memoria ei - din memoria trupului ei. Noi, Dreptvorbitoarele, cunoaştem multe din căile trecutului... dar numai căi feminine. (În glasul bătrânei se strecură o undă de mâhnire). Există însă un loc în care nici o Dreptvorbitoare nu poate să ajungă. Locul acela ne respinge, ne îngrozeşte. Dar se spune că va veni ziua în care un bărbat îşi va descoperi, în binecuvântarea Drogului... ochiul interior. El va vedea ceea ce n-a văzut încă nici una dintre noi: ambele trecuturi - cel masculin şi cel feminin.

- Pe bărbatul acesta îl numiţi Kwisatz Haderach (Calea cea Scurtă)?

- Da. Kwisatz Haderach: cel care poate fi în mai multe locuri deodată. Mulţi bărbaţi au încercat Drogul... foarte mulţi. Dar nici unul nu a reuşit.

- Au încercat şi au dat greş? Cu toţii?

- O, nu, murmură bătrâna, clătinând din cap. Au încercat şi au murit..."

(Frank Herbert - "Dune")

ALL MY PRETTY ONES

Father, this year's jinx rides us apart
where you followed our mother to her cold slumber;
a second shock boiling its stone to your heart,
leaving me here to shuffle and disencumber
you from the residence you could not afford:
a gold key, your half of a woolen mill,
twenty suits from Dunne's, an English Ford,
the love and legal verbiage of another will,
boxes of pictures of people I do not know.
I touch their cardboard faces. They must go.

But the eyes, as thick as wood in this album,
hold me. I stop here, where a small boy
waits in a ruffled dress for someone to come...
for this soldier who holds his bugle like a toy
or for this velvet lady who cannot smile.
Is this your father's father, this Commodore
in a mailman suit? My father, time meanwhile
has made it unimportant who you are looking for.
I'll never know what these faces are all about.
I lock them into their book and throw them out.

This is the yellow scrapbook that you began
the year I was born; as crackling now and wrinkly
as tobacco leaves: clippings where Hoover outran
the Democrats, wiggling his dry finger at me
and Prohibition; news where the Hindenburg went
down and recent years where you went flush
on war. This year, solvent but sick, you meant
to marry that pretty widow in a one-month rush.
But before you had that second chance, I cried
on your fat shoulder. Three days later you died.

These are the snapshots of marriage, stopped in places.
Side by side at the rail toward Nassau now;
here, with the winner's cup at the speedboat races,
here, in tails at the Cotillion, you take a bow,
here, by our kennel of dogs with their pink eyes,
running like show-bred pigs in their chain-link pen;
here, at the horseshow where my sister wins a prize;
Now I fold you down, my drunkard, my navigator,
my first lost keeper, to love or look at later.


I hold a five-year diary that my mother kept
for three years, telling all she does not say
of your alcoholic tendency. You overslept,
she writes. My God, father, each Christmas Day
with your blood, will I drink down your glass
of wine? The diary of your hurly-burly years
goes to my shelf to wait for my age to pass.
Only in this hoarded span will love persevere.
Whether you are pretty or not, I outlive you,
bend down my strange face to yours and forgive you.

(by anne sexton)

MERCY STREET

(music lyrics - peter gabriel for anne sexton)

looking down on empty streets, all she can see
are the dreams all made solid
are the dreams all made real

all of the buildings, all of those cars
were once just a dream
in somebody's head

she pictures the broken glass, she pictures the steam
she pictures a soul
with no leak at the seam

let's take the boat out
wait until darkness
let's take the boat out
wait until darkness comes

nowhere in the corridors of pale green and grey
nowhere in the suburbs
in the cold light of day

there in the midst of it so alive and alone
words support like bone

dreaming of mercy st.
wear your inside out
dreaming of mercy
in your daddy's arms again
dreaming of mercy st.
'swear they moved that sign
dreaming of mercy
in your daddy's arms

pulling out the papers from the drawers that slide smooth
tugging at the darkness, word upon word

confessing all the secret things in the warm velvet box
to the priest - he's the doctor
he can handle the shocks

dreaming of the tenderness - the tremble in the hips
of kissing Mary's lips

dreaming of mercy st.
wear your insides out
dreaming of mercy
in your daddy's arms again
dreaming of mercy st.
'swear they moved that sign
looking for mercy
in your daddy's arms

mercy, mercy, looking for mercy
mercy, mercy, looking for mercy

Anne, with her father is out in the boat
riding the water
riding the waves on the sea