Salsa = An art degree awarded by the Global Academy of Social Ice-breakers enabling men and women to redefine terms such as stardom, disposable income, vacations, insomnia, fashion, nutrition, personality, gossip, self-confidence, weekends, partying, relationships and commitments based entirely on their ability to use their hands and legs according the sound produced by two small pieces of wood.
Salsero = man who develops serious allergy to committed relationships because his dancing ability allows him to hold mass quantities of women in his arms any night of the week
Salsera = A woman who has strong affinity towards the allergy and derives immense pleasure out of being publicly turned in unexpected ways by mass quantities of men. She implicitly hopes that she will be the cure to the condition of at least one such salsero who will overcome the allergy but still maintain the symptoms eternally.
Salsa Congress = An effort to reassure leaders and followers that this allergic condition is a global phenomenon and prevalent in almost every country on the globe. Allows masses of affected men and women to learn about and from selected service providers that are publicly acknowledged as experts in satisfying a large number of attendees by their ability to move well vertically as well as horizontally.
Salsa Instructor = Close your eyes and point at a salseros/a in any congress. Congrats, you've just spotted a salsa instructor... the quickest route for you to become an idol among a group of friends who are amazed by the fact that you can actually pause after every third step and are willing to pay 100s of dollars to also be able to leverage that pause in their social life, in the same way as your half-baked stories from a salsa congress.
Beginner = You think merengue = salsa = bachata, you are completely off beat as soon as a song faster than Chin Chon Chow is played, you sweat after 10 basic steps but still smile nervously while staring at your feet. You don't care what you are doing as long as some music is playing and you are having fun just moving on the dance floor. You see someone who can shake their shoulders, move their rib cage, spin 2-3 times and you are convinced that they are not normal human beings. You stay away from them but go to sleep dreaming of being like them (or with them) soon.
Improver = You ask those better than you for a dance with a starting line "Sorry, I'm not so good.. can we dance?" You see people dancing several different styles and are confused. The idea of dancing on 2 is accidentally mentioned to you by someone and you just cant understand the logic behind dancing off-beat. You attend your first salsa congress and return home bruised, aching and depressed until you go out dancing again after a few days and realize that you dance much better. You have either found a boyfriend in the salsa scene, broken up with someone who does not dance or agreed on how salsa will take priority in your existing relationship.
Intermediate = You are in no man's land!! You are convinced that you are an advanced dancer, that you can teach, and that no guy or girl should ever have to say "No" when you ask them for a dance. You know many crazy turn patterns and lead them pretty well though you still don't understand why there isn’t a circle around you when you dance. You spend half your salary on attending salsa congresses, browse youtube and congress websites daily, download music and chase DJs for music regularly and chat up your "salsa idols" at any given opportunity. You dress differently, talk differently, walk differently and enjoy the attention in a social circle when the fact that you are a salsa dancer is mentioned by someone. All in all, you feel quite happy to brag about your salsa social life to your non-salsa friends.
Advanced = You only take workshops once or twice a year when your "international salsa idol" is teaching. If anyone else is teaching,you simply listen to your iPod, observe the class and comment on it. You are convinced it you should be YOU out there on stage teaching the workshop with 100s of participants clapping for you. You spend most of your time planning how to get there. You are working on a dream debut show which will instantly label you as the new prodigal salseros/a.
Professional = You NEVER attend workshops. Everything fits in two categories … "I can do it" or "not my style". You believe that you are creating fashion and style with every torn outfit or flashy pair of shoes you wear. You are convinced that salsa congress organizers do not treat salsa professionals fairly and it's the most meaningful conversation you can have with another colleague.
Aren't we proud to be salseros? :):)
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